Do you know someone who is unemployed and looking for a job?  Being someone who was recently impacted by a restructuring (also known as a displacement, layoff, etc.), I thought I would offer some advice about how you can best support a colleague, friend or loved one going through a forced job transition.

I shared this with a few colleagues who have experienced the same situation so that the data could be validated.  There was virtual unanimity on the key points.

Rule #1: Treat it like a death in the family:  Express your support, concern and caring, but don’t harp on "the why."  If the person does not know why (or only knows a canned Company line), they cringe every time they are forced to repeat it – and then have to answer your follow up question when the first answer does not make sense.  If the person does know why (and it was their fault) they don’t want to discuss it anyway.

Rule #2: Don’t be a cheerleader: Layoffs have a tendency to make folks bitter about their past boss or employer.  While you should provide support, former employees often feel as though the former employer is part of their family.  They want to be able to criticize the employer, but not in such a way that devalues whatever time they spent at the Company.  Think of it like breaking up with the long-term girlfriend that your mother never liked – the last thing you want to hear is your mother piling on to criticize.  In the employment context, the cheerleading will also make it more difficult to move on and be effective on interviews when they are asked about their former employer.

Rule #3: Offer practical assistance: The best thing you can do for someone who is out of work is to offer to send their resume to someone you know that might have a position. The gesture will be appreciated regardless of whether or not it yields an interview.  Don’t push, but also offer to conduct a practice interview or be a reference.  Don’t be offended if the person does not take you up on the offer, but asking is what counts.

Rule #4: Talk about business: Folks who are out of work miss the intellectual stimulation that everyday work provides.  A few weeks of downtime is enough for most people – they are bored and would love to hear stories that make them feel engaged in their chosen profession.  We are not talking about gossip (especially not about their former employer), but real issues where you might seek their guidance or are of interest.  If you are a friend in an unrelated field, you can still bring up issues and ask “what would you have done.”  It helps the person feel needed.

Rule #5: Ask for updates, but don’t ask “do you have a job yet?”:  The best question to ask is “are you getting any action (meaning interviews, emails, etc.)?”  Anyone who is out of work will feel somewhat like a failure until they close the deal and have a new job.  Your concern will be better received if it asks about the action because, believe me, once they have a new job, they will let you know.  As long as we are talking about updates . . . don't be the one to follow up.  If someone tells you they have an interview on Monday morning, let them call you to say how it went - if it went great, they will call you right away.  Your calling Monday afternoon is more likely to force them to recount an interview that did not go as well as planned.

Rule #6: Don’t recommend taking a vacation:  In times of economic uncertainty, many individuals are unable to enjoy time away not engaged in the job hunt.  It can be done, but recognize that spending money on anything is difficult for someone who has been laid off, regardless of whether or not they are still getting paid severance or just banked a significant lump sum.  Don't hesitate to ask someone if they want to come along, but don’t imply that they should because they have the time.  They should, they do have the time, but the future financial concerns make the “recommendation” too forward.

There are probably a few others, but I will leave it at six for now.  And although I am drawing some of these from personal experience, my colleagues, friends and family should not be concerned that they violated one of the rules – you are all perfect – this is just sharing the mistakes that others make.  😉